Writers 
I used to laugh whenever people said dating in Nigeria is transactional. I thought they were just bitter people who had been heartbroken and decided to blame everybody. Until something happened to me.
There was this girl I had been talking to for almost three months. We weren't officially dating yet, but we were clearly moving in that direction. We talked every day, called at night, shared personal things, and she knew I genuinely liked her. She also knew I wasn't exactly swimming in money.
One Saturday, she called me around 6 p.m. and said, “Are you around?”
I said yes.
She said she wanted to see me.
I got excited because, naturally, when you like somebody and they suddenly want to see you, your brain starts doing overtime. I quickly showered, dressed properly and went to meet her.
When I got there, she looked at me and said, “Let's go and eat somewhere.”
I didn't mind. We went to a nice restaurant, ordered food and started talking. Everything was going smoothly until she suddenly asked me, “So what exactly are we doing?”
I told her I liked her and wanted something serious with her.
She nodded and asked, “Okay. And what can you actually offer me?”
I honestly thought she was joking.
I laughed.
She didn't.
She looked at me and said, “I'm serious.”
I asked her what she meant.
She said, “I don't want to enter a relationship where I'm going to be struggling. I want someone who can take care of certain things for me. My friends are in relationships where their men help them with transport, hair, data, emergencies, and other things. I'm not saying you have to do everything, but I need to know you're capable.”
I sat there quietly.
Then I asked her, “So if I wasn't financially capable right now, you wouldn't date me?”
She said, “Honestly? Probably not.”
That answer shocked me.
Not because she wanted financial stability. I understand that. Everybody wants a comfortable life. What shocked me was how casually she said it.
I asked her, “So you don't care whether I love you?”
She smiled and said, “Love is important, but love doesn't pay bills.”
That sentence stayed in my head.
We finished eating. I paid the bill and took her home.
On my way back, I kept thinking about the conversation.
Then I started remembering other things.
How she became more affectionate whenever I paid for something.
How she suddenly became busy whenever I suggested a cheap place.
How “I miss you” somehow appeared more often whenever she needed money.
At first, I told myself I was overthinking.
Then the following week, she asked me for ₦30,000.
I told her I didn't have it.
Her entire attitude changed.
The sweet girl who used to call me every night suddenly became “busy.”
Replies became shorter.
Calls became fewer.
Three days later, she sent me a message:
“I've been thinking, and I don't think we're compatible.”
I just stared at my phone.
I replied, “Because I couldn't give you ₦30,000?”
She said, “It's not about the money. It's about the kind of life we want.”
That was when I finally understood.
Maybe she wasn't a bad person.
Maybe I was simply expecting love to be enough when she was looking at relationships differently.
And honestly, that's when I stopped laughing whenever people said dating is transactional.
Because whether we like it or not, people enter relationships with expectations.
Some want money.
Some want companionship.
Some want security.
Some want connections.
Some want someone who can help them grow.
Some genuinely just want love.
The problem starts when two people enter the same relationship expecting completely different things.
So yes, I now believe dating is transactional.
Not necessarily because everybody is a gold digger.
Sometimes people are simply exchanging what they value.
The uncomfortable part is that we don't always admit what we're looking for.
We call it love when it's convenient and compatibility when the transaction stops making sense.
But here's the question:
If someone refuses to date you because you can't provide the lifestyle they want, is that materialism—or are they simply being honest about their standards?
