Writers 
I’m lying down in the bed we once shared,
staring into the deep darkness.
Tears no longer come,
but the thoughts never go.
The memories don’t seem to leave me.
You’re in my mind every time,
and it makes me wonder—
What if?
What if you were here with me?
What if you never left that day?
What if none of this happened,
and you were still here with me?
What would we be doing?
Sometimes, I get lost in my thoughts,
bargaining with God.
I’d give anything for you.
I’ll do anything to have you back in my life.
If I could go back to that day,
I’d make you stay with me.
I’d tell you that I loved you.
There are so many things I haven’t told you.
There are so many things we haven’t done together.
So many promises left unfulfilled.
So many memories we haven’t made.
But you’re gone.
Oh, God,
please give me my lover back.
I’m willing to do or give anything,
even if it’s just one more day.
I hoped and prayed,
but deep down, I knew it couldn’t be possible.
It’s just so hard to believe
that you’re gone for good.
Bargaining
Bargaining is the second stage of grieving. Here, there is a strong desire for life to return to the way it used to be. We may find ourselves wishing we could bring the person back or change what happened.
The mind begins to live in the past, replaying moments and imagining different outcomes. We ask ourselves endless “what if” questions. What if I had said something different? What if I had stayed? What if things had happened another way?
Sometimes, we may even find ourselves bargaining with God, promising anything in exchange for one more chance, one more conversation, or one more day with the person we lost.
Bargaining can keep us focused on what could have been, because accepting what is happening in the present can feel too painful. We hold on to possibilities that no longer exist because letting go of them means facing the reality of the loss.
And sometimes, the hardest part is knowing that no matter how much we wish, pray, or bargain, we cannot change what has already happened.
During this stage, grief can make the past feel like a place we can still return to. We may imagine different choices, conversations, or moments that could have changed the outcome. We might blame ourselves for things we said, things we failed to say, or things we wish we had done differently.
Bargaining is often filled with hope, even when we know that hope cannot change the past. We may create imaginary possibilities because accepting the finality of the loss is difficult. The questions continue because our hearts are still searching for an answer that could make everything different.
But grief does not mean we are weak because we bargain. It is one of the ways the mind tries to understand an overwhelming loss. With time, we slowly begin to realise that although we cannot change the past, we can carry the memories with us as we learn to face the present with greater acceptance.
