I Nearly Became Friends With the Wrong Person

The first time I met her, I thought we were going to be good friends.

It was not anything dramatic. There was no movie moment where we bumped into each other and somehow knew we would get along.

It was much simpler than that.

We were in school, both trying to figure out where we were supposed to be, what we were supposed to read and how exactly everyone else seemed to know what they were doing. From registrations to classes to accommodation, it was a whole lot.

She made a joke.

I laughed.

I made another one.

She laughed harder.

That was basically it. We started sitting together occasionally in class. Then we started talking more and soon, we were sharing little things like, "Have you read this?”

“No.”

“Please, when you finish, send me the part.”

“Abeg, remind me.”

“You're going to forget.”

“I won't.”

She did and I did same too, which somehow made us closer.

There is something about school that makes friendships happen quickly. You see the same people almost every day, complain about the same lecturers, panic about the same tests, borrow things from each other, sit together when you're tired, laugh about things that wouldn't be funny to anybody outside the school.

Before you know it, someone who was a stranger a few weeks ago knows what you're currently struggling with.

I liked that. I sincerely thought I had found my person.

Then the little things started, it was nothing big enough to cause an argument. There were basically small things that were easy to ignore.

She would make a comment about someone, then laugh and say she was joking.

She sometimes told me things about other people that I wondered why she knew.There was one time she told me something someone had apparently said about me.

I laughed and asked, “Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

I didn't think much of it at the time.

Another time, I told her something I probably shouldn't have shared. It wasn't some huge secret but something personal.

She listened and somehow that made me feel comfortable.

A few days later, I heard the same thing from someone else.

My stomach dropped.

I didn't even need to ask where it came from.

I remember sitting there thinking, Oh! And there it hit me.

That was the first time I looked at the friendship differently. Not in an angry way but just differently.

Suddenly, things I had previously dismissed started making sense. I remembered the comments, little pieces of information, the way she always seemed to know everybody's business.

I started wondering how many of the things she told me about other people had originally been told to her in confidence.

And, more importantly, how many things I had told her had already travelled somewhere else.

It was uncomfortable but there was nothing dramatic to confront.

She hadn't done something terrible and there was no huge betrayal.

It was simply one of those moments where you realize that the person you thought you knew isn't necessarily the person you assumed they were.

So I became quieter.

I stopped telling her everything. I still greeted her. We still talked. I still laughed at her jokes.

But something had changed.

The friendship had moved from “I can tell you anything” to “Let me think about whether I should tell you this.”

And honestly, that difference is very important.

It took me a while to understand that becoming friends with someone doesn't mean you have to immediately hand them access to every part of your life.

Trust does not have to arrive on the same day as friendship.

It can take its time.

You can like someone and still observe them.

You can enjoy someone's company and still have boundaries.

You can discover that someone isn't a bad person and is someone you shouldn't be close to.

That last part was the hardest for me.

Because sometimes we think the only reason to distance ourselves from someone is because they've done something horrible.

Not necessarily.

Sometimes you just notice that the friendship doesn't feel safe anymore.

And that's enough.

I eventually became cordial friends with her. There was no big fight or dramatic ending. We simply stopped being as close as we were.

And strangely, I wasn't heartbroken. In fact, I was relieved.

Looking back, I think I had been so excited about having a friend that I had skipped the part where you actually get to know the person.

I had seen someone I enjoyed talking to and immediately assumed that meant we would make good friends.

But enjoying someone's company and trusting their character are two different things.

School teaches you anatomy, Biochemistry and a ridiculous amount of information that somehow becomes examinable.

But it also teaches you things nobody puts on the course outline.

Like how to choose your people.

How to notice patterns.

How to keep some things to yourself.

And how to walk away from a friendship without turning the person into an enemy.

Sometimes, you don't become friends with the wrong person.

Sometimes, you just almost do.

And catching it early is a blessing.