Writers 
I told my father that I wanted to study Agricultural Economics. It was a good course by every standard, and to me, it was a way of still remaining connected to my commercial interests while making use of the science background I had been forced to continue with. But once again, my father disagreed.
He insisted that it had to be Civil Engineering or nothing else.
I remember how I felt when he said those words. It felt like my dreams did not matter. It felt like I was living a life that had already been planned for me, without my own voice being considered.
I wrote JAMB four different times before I was finally able to meet the cut-off mark for Civil Engineering.
Surprisingly, when I eventually gained admission, I was happy.
Not necessarily because I was excited about studying Civil Engineering, but because I was finally leaving home. I had experienced a lot of pressure under my father's expectations, and I saw university as a chance to start a new chapter.
My father, on the other hand, was extremely happy.
His first son was finally studying Civil Engineering.
He was proud.
From the very first lecture, however, I knew something was wrong.
I knew I was in the wrong place.
In fact, this time it was even worse than secondary school because university moved at a much faster pace. Lecturers expected you to understand things quickly, and I struggled to keep up.
I attended lectures regularly. I made friends with some of the brilliant students in my class. I studied on my own and attended tutorials. I genuinely tried my best.
But no matter how much effort I put in, it felt like my mind refused to understand what I was learning.
Deep down, I knew I was not incapable. I had proven my intelligence before. But I was fighting a battle in a field where I never truly belonged.
Then came my first semester result.
I failed woefully.
I had an F all through.
The school immediately placed me on probation and warned that I would be withdrawn if I did not improve in the next semester.
I was terrified.
I could not imagine showing that result to my father. I knew how much pride he had in me, and I could not bear to see the disappointment on his face.
So, I made one of the worst decisions of my life.
I paid a computer centre to forge another result.
This time, the result showed a 4.7 GPA.
When my father saw it, he was extremely happy.
He was overjoyed.
He printed out the result and proudly showed it to people. He told everyone that his son was doing well in Civil Engineering.
He increased my pocket money, changed my phone, and bought me a laptop. He told me he did not want me to lack anything and that I should remain focused on my studies.
At that moment, I felt happy because I thought my father was finally proud of me again.
But deep down, I knew the truth.
I was living a lie.
I had received his praise, but I knew I did not deserve it.
I tried everything possible to survive. I attended different tutorials, buried myself in books, and even paid students ahead of me to teach me.
But nothing changed.
The reality was that I was struggling with something deeper than academics.
I was struggling with a path that was never truly mine.
Eventually, I was withdrawn from the university in my 300 level.
That was the moment my entire world collapsed.
I felt like a complete failure.
I could not imagine facing my father. I could not imagine telling him that the dream he had carried for me had ended.
Instead of facing my reality, I ran away from it.
I fell into depression and started looking for ways to escape the pain.
I began keeping company with the wrong people. I started smoking, drinking, womanizing, and taking drugs.
I was not happy with the person I was becoming, but at that point, I did not know how to save myself.
I continued collecting school fees, house rent, and pocket money from home. I kept pretending that I was still a student. I would go home during holidays and return as though everything was normal.
But inside, I was breaking.
My father began to suspect something was wrong. Occasionally, he would ask me questions about topics he knew I should have covered, especially because he was also an engineer.
I always found a way to avoid the truth.
I kept running from it until I could no longer run anymore.