FOUR MONTHS AT HOME

It is actually funny when I think about how I have spent the past four months at home. Four whole months! And now that September is literally tomorrow, I keep asking myself, “What did I actually achieve?” Honestly, it feels like I have been at home for so long, yet somehow, the time just disappeared. What a sad story for me o.

When I first came home, I was probably happy to have a break from school. After all the stress from lectures, assignments, waking up early, and everything that comes with school life, being at home sounded like the perfect opportunity to rest and enjoy myself. I thought I would have enough time to do everything I wanted.

But somehow, four months passed.

And now I am sitting here thinking about all the things I planned to do and wondering where the time went. It is not like I did absolutely nothing, but I still feel like I should have achieved more. There were so many things I wanted to learn, so many things I wanted to start, and so many plans I had in my head. Yet, here I am, with September almost here and school about to resume again.

The funny thing is that I am actually tired of staying in this house. I want to go back to school because I am tired of being at home, tired of the same routine, and honestly, I just want something different again.

But I already know what will happen when I get back to school.

After spending so much time at home wishing to leave, I will probably get to school and, after a few weeks, start wishing I was back home again. 😂Because school can be extremely exhausting and annoying. The endless lectures, assignments, waking up when you are still tired, walking around under the hot sun, looking for good network, and dealing with the broke life that comes with being a student will all start again.

September is just tomorrow, and it feels like I can already see everything coming.

The street will start again.

The unending tiredness will start again.

The lectures will start again.

The hot sun will start again.

The bad network will start again.

And, of course, the broke life will start again.

Sometimes I honestly wonder how students survive all these things at once. One minute you are trying to understand what the lecturer is saying, the next minute you are looking for network just to download something, and before you know it, you are already calculating how much money you have left and wondering what you are going to eat.

But despite all the complaints, I think there is something I am looking forward to about going back. I want to feel productive again. I want to have things to do, meet people, learn new things, and actually feel like I am moving forward.

And this time, I really want to find a side job that can give me some money while I am in school. I don't want to depend completely on people for every little thing. I want to have something I can do, something that will give me experience and also bring in some money. Even if I start small, I will be happy knowing that I am doing something for myself.

Maybe these four months did not go exactly the way I imagined they would. Maybe I could have achieved more. Maybe I wasted some time. But I don't want to spend the rest of the time blaming myself for it.

School is coming again, whether I am ready or not.

And maybe this time, I will do things differently.

I will go back, face the lectures, survive the hot sun, fight with bad network, complain about being broke, and probably still miss home after a while.

But hopefully, this time, when I look back after another few months, I will be able to say:

“At least I did something. At least I tried. At least I moved forward.”