Writers 
The biggest obstacle in solving family rows are self-centeredness and self-conceit. Unfortunately, many people are affected by these characteristics. Such people lack a certain intelligence whereby they only acknowledge their own virtues, while dismissing those of others and never own their failures. It is especially disastrous when this disorder of character is accompanied by another, namely picking up faults with others. Sometimes both husband and wife suffer with the latter, in which case they may have a row day and night, each one criticizes the other while freeing themselves totally from all faults.
In many disagreements, the real problem is not necessarily the issue that started the argument, but the unwillingness of each person to understand the feelings and position of the other. When people become too concerned about proving themselves right, they may forget that the purpose of resolving a disagreement is not to defeat one another, but to restore peace and understanding. A little humility from either side can therefore prevent a small misunderstanding from becoming a serious family problem.
Sometimes, if only one side suffers from this defect of fault finding, they would pick up fault with the other and by so doing liberate themselves completely from all criticism. Where both husband and wife suffer with this disorder, it is particularly difficult to reconcile them, because they would not be prepared to take anyone’s advice.
It is important for each person to understand that admitting a mistake does not make them weak or inferior. Rather, it shows maturity and willingness to protect the relationship. There are times when saying “I was wrong” or simply acknowledging the pain caused to the other person can open the door to reconciliation. Likewise, listening patiently instead of interrupting or immediately defending oneself can help both parties understand the real cause of the disagreement.
Selfishness can become so severe that the affected person may not even be aware of it. In such a situation, the relationship between the couple becomes strained and even impossible to continue, consequently either life would go on in the form of rows, distress and unhappiness or may even lead to divorce.
It is therefore recommended to all couple to abstain from selfishness and self-conceit. A couple who are troubled with this situation should find time to sit together and, like two honest judges, talk about their problem(s). They should listen to each other without prejudice. Each one should take a note of his own shortcoming without overlooking even the smallest issue and with the intention of correcting them. Then they should both decide to correct themselves. But only if they feel necessary for deep understanding and where they both long to revive their love and tranquillity which once existed between them.
They should also avoid bringing old mistakes into every new disagreement, because constantly reminding one another of past failures can prevent genuine forgiveness and make reconciliation more difficult. Instead, once an issue has been sincerely addressed, both parties should make an effort to move forward and build better habits. Patience, forgiveness, honest communication and mutual respect are important qualities in maintaining peace within a family.
However, in the case of an inability to achieve reconciliation, they should refer their problem(s) to an experienced, faithful, aware, trustworthy, and benevolent person. If such a person is a friend or a relative, it may be to their advantage because they can tell them everything and await their verdict. They should listen to him and take note of his advice given and intend to put into practice.
Seeking help from a trustworthy person should not be seen as a sign of failure. Sometimes, people who are directly involved in a disagreement are unable to see the matter clearly because emotions have taken control of their judgment. A wise and impartial person can help them look at the situation from another perspective and guide them towards a peaceful solution. The most important thing is that both parties should genuinely desire reconciliation and be willing to make changes where necessary.
“And if you fear a breach between the two, then appoint a judge from her people; if they both desire agreement, Allah will effect harmony between them surely Allah is knowing aware.” (4:35)