BEYOND THE HAPPY PILL

My mother decided that the best way to help me was to take me to a rehabilitation centre.

My name is Simon. I am thirteen years old and a student of Excellent Spirit Boarding School, where I am currently in SS1. I never imagined that, at my age, I would find myself in a rehabilitation centre. I never imagined that my life would change so completely or that I would have a story like this to tell.

But this is my story.

When I was young, I was told that my father had died while my mother was pregnant with me. I never had the opportunity to meet him. All I had were a few photographs and the stories my mother told me about him.

For as long as I can remember, my mother was everything to me.

When I was very young, she had plenty of time for me. She took me to school, helped me with my homework, listened to my stories, and made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. I never fully understood how fortunate I was to have so much of her attention.

Then, when I was seven, everything changed.

My mother received a promotion at work.

At first, I was happy for her. She was happy too. She told me that all her hard work had finally paid off. Her salary increased, and our lives became more comfortable. We moved into a larger house and bought a bigger car. She even promised to transfer me to one of the best schools in Kaduna, where we lived.

However, there was one thing I did not understand at the time.

The more successful my mother became, the less time she had for me.

Her new position came with significant responsibilities. She travelled frequently for work, sometimes staying away for weeks and, occasionally, even months. She tried to balance her career with caring for me, but eventually, it became too difficult.

So, Mum hired a nanny.

Her name was Rose.

Rose was a beautiful woman who spoke excellent English. I sometimes wondered why she had been unable to continue her education because she was clearly intelligent. She once told me that financial difficulties had prevented her from pursuing further education.

Rose became the person I saw most often.

While my mother was away for work, Rose prepared my meals, helped around the house, and ensured that I got to school.

However, Rose had a boyfriend.

His name was Tanko.

Tanko was one of the young men I often saw around the neighbourhood. He was very tall and dark, with noticeably red eyes. I found him intimidating and could never understand what Rose saw in him.

Whenever Mum travelled for extended periods, Tanko would come to our house. Sometimes he stayed for hours and did not leave until it was almost dark.

Occasionally, he would even pick me up from school because, according to Rose, she was too busy with the housework.

One particular day, Tanko came to pick me up, and something about him seemed different.

His eyes were much redder than usual, and he appeared unusually aggressive. At one point, he nearly got into a fight with the security guard at my school.

I sat quietly in the car on our way home, wondering what had happened to him.

Eventually, I decided to ask him when he seemed calmer.

The following day, while we were eating, I gathered enough courage to ask.

“Uncle Tanko, who upset you yesterday? You seemed very angry when you came to pick me up from school.”

Tanko giggled.

“I wasn't angry, Simon,” he said. “I was charged.”

I stared at him, completely confused.

“I don't understand.”

He looked at me and said, “That's what men do.”

His answer only made me more confused.

What did he mean?

Why would being angry be something men were expected to do?

I wanted to ask more questions, but something inside me told me to stop. So I remained quiet until we finished eating.

It was the weekend, and Mum was coming home from one of her trips. I was extremely excited.

I missed her terribly.

When Mum was around, everything felt different. The house felt warmer, and I felt safer. I knew I would get to spend time with her, talk to her, and enjoy having my mother around.

Before Mum arrived, Rose warned Tanko to stay away from the house.

Then she turned to me.

“Simon,” she said sternly, “don't tell your mother about Tanko coming here.”

I looked at her.

“Why?”She stared at me and said, “If you tell her, the next time your mother travels, I will starve you for three days.”

My eyes widened.

Three days?

I loved food far too much to take that chance.

So I nodded.

“Okay. I won't tell her.”

I decided to keep quiet. At that age, I thought that was the easiest way to protect myself.

When Mum finally arrived, I ran to welcome her.

She had brought me many gifts, and I was incredibly happy to see her. She hugged me, asked about school, and wanted to know how Rose had been taking care of me.

“Everything is fine,” I told her.

I wanted to tell her about Tanko, but Rose's warning immediately came back to mind.

I didn't want to go hungry for three days.

So instead, I asked, “Mum, how long are you staying?”

She smiled.

“For a month.”

My heart leapt with excitement.

A whole month!

That meant thirty days of having my mother drop me off at school and pick me up. Thirty days of talking to her, laughing with her, eating with her, and simply enjoying her company before work called her away again.

When Mum was home, I also got to go to church.

I loved church, especially the choir. I enjoyed listening to the singing and watching everyone worship together. There was a children's section, but I did not always sit there because Mum preferred that we sit together in the adults' section.

One Sunday, as we were getting ready for church, Mum asked Rose about the house.

“Is there anything we need to replace or restock?”

Rose thought for a moment.

“We need more foodstuff.”

Mum looked surprised.

“Foodstuff? Rose, how? I bought enough food to last six months before I travelled, and I was only away for two months. You and Simon finished all of it?”

I was just about to speak when Rose's warning flashed through my mind.

I immediately kept quiet.

Rose quickly answered, “Simon has developed a very large appetite.”

Mum looked at me.

I lowered my eyes.

I could tell she did not completely believe it, but she simply said, “Wow.”

What Mum did not know was that Tanko was eating enough food for three people.

Three weeks into Mum's stay, she called me into her room.

The moment I walked in, I saw her packing her clothes into a suitcase.

My heart sank.

I already knew what was happening.

“Mum?” I asked quietly.

She turned around.

“I'm sorry, Simon.”

My eyes immediately filled with tears.

“You're leaving?”

She nodded.

“I have to go back to Abuja for work. I thought I would be able to stay longer, but something has come up.”

I tried to be strong, but I could not hide my disappointment.

My birthday was the following week.

I had been looking forward to spending it with her. I had imagined us celebrating together, eating my favourite food, and perhaps going somewhere special.

Now, all those plans were disappearing.

Mum hugged me and promised that she would make it up to me.

Then she left.

The following day, Tanko was back in the house.

School was on holiday, so I was at home watching television when he walked in as though he owned the place.

In my mind, I thought, Mum only left yesterday, and Tanko is already here.

He noticed me.

“Hey, little man.”

I was not pleased to see him. I was still sad about Mum leaving.

I looked up and forced a small smile.

“You don't look so happy,” he said. “What's wrong?”

“I'm just a little sad.”

He laughed dryly.

“Men shouldn't be sad.”

I stared at him.

Again, I did not understand.

What did he mean?

Was being sad something boys were not allowed to feel?

Was I supposed to pretend that everything was fine even when I was hurting?

Tanko sat down and called Rose loudly, almost as if he owned the house.

“Rose!”

Rose came from inside and sat beside him.

I turned my attention back to my television programme and tried to ignore their conversation.

After a while, Tanko mentioned that he had noticed I was sad and that he had something that would make me happy.

Rose immediately became serious.

“Don't try it,” she warned him. “You won't like what I'll do to you.”

Tanko laughed, but I could tell Rose was not joking.

Soon, it was time for Rose to cook, so she went into the kitchen. Tanko eventually left the house, saying he would return later.

That night, I lay in bed thinking about my birthday.

I imagined what it would have been like if Mum were still home.

I imagined her singing for me, buying me a cake, and spending the day with me.

Then I remembered what Tanko had said.

He had something that would make me happy.

Maybe that was exactly what I needed.

I wondered why Rose had been so strongly opposed to it, but I pushed the thought away.

All I wanted was to stop feeling sad.

I decided that when Tanko came the next day, I would ask him about it.

The next morning, Tanko arrived as usual.

Rose was preparing breakfast when he walked into the house. He sat beside me while I watched television.

We barely spoke.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi, little man,” he replied.

I continued watching my programme.

After a while, I finally gathered the courage to ask.

“Uncle Tanko?”

“What is it, little man?”

“Can I ask you for something?”

He looked at me.

“What is it?”

I reminded him about the thing he had said would make me happy.

“I really need it,” I said. “I don't want to be sad anymore. I miss my mum.”

Tanko looked at me for a moment.

Then he said, “Little man, if I give it to you, you have to keep it a secret.”

“A secret?”

“Yes. Especially from Rose and your mother.”

I hesitated for a moment.

Then I agreed.

At the time, I did not understand why keeping it secret was so important. I only knew that I wanted something that would make the sadness go away.

Later that evening, it was already dark when Rose, Tanko, and I finished dinner.

After Rose cleared the table, she went into the kitchen to wash the plates.

I was left alone with Tanko.

He looked at me.

“Come with me.”

I followed him to my room.

He reached into his pocket and brought out some pills.

“Here,” he said. “This is what will make you happy.”

I stared at the pills.

“Isn't this medicine?”

I did not like taking drugs, and I did not understand why he was giving them to me.

Tanko gave me a faint smile.

“These are happy pills.”

He handed me one and a cup of water.

“Swallow it.”

I hesitated.

But I remembered his promise.

He had said it would make me happy.

And I desperately wanted to be happy.

So I took it.

After some time, I began to feel different. My sadness seemed to disappear, and I felt strangely detached from everything around me. For a while, I forgot about Mum. I forgot about my birthday. I forgot about the loneliness that had been weighing on me.

I thought Tanko had been telling the truth.

I thought he had found a way to make me happy.

But I did not understand what was really happening to me.

When I woke up the next morning, I remembered taking the pill from Tanko.

I remembered how I had felt afterward.

But I also remembered everything I had been trying so hard to forget.

I remembered Mum leaving.

I remembered my birthday.

I remembered how lonely I felt.

And somehow, I felt even worse than before.

Instead of understanding that something was wrong, I believed that I needed more of what Tanko had given me.

I thought another pill would make the sadness disappear again.

So I decided that I would ask Tanko for more.

I did not know it then, but that decision would become one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

............

The next morning, Tanko came to the house as usual. But there was something different about him that day. He seemed unusually cheerful, almost too cheerful. As soon as he saw me, he smiled broadly and greeted me in a playful voice.

“Little man or should I say big man? How are you today?” he asked, laughing in a strange, almost suspicious way.

“I’m fine,” I replied, surprised by the way he was suddenly interacting with me.

He looked around and then asked, “Where is Aunty Rose?”

“She’s in the kitchen. She’s cooking,” I answered.

He nodded and came a little closer.

“And how are you really feeling? I mean, how did you feel after taking the happy pill?”

I hesitated for a moment before telling him the truth. I explained exactly how I had felt after taking it and how I was feeling at that moment.

“I still feel sad,” I admitted quietly. “It hasn’t really changed.”

I paused before adding, “Can I have more of the happy pills?”

Tanko looked at me without answering.

“Please,” I begged. “Can you give me more than one?”

He hesitated. For a moment, I thought he was going to refuse.

“No one has to know,” I quickly assured him. “I promise Aunty Rose and my mum won't find out. I'll keep them somewhere safe. Nobody will ever know about them.”

After some hesitation, he agreed.

He gave me more, and I hurried to my room. I hid them carefully, making sure that no one would easily find them. I felt strangely relieved knowing they were there.

In my mind, I made a promise to myself: I would stop taking them when Mum returned and only take them again whenever she left.

I told myself that I was only sad when Mum was away. I believed that if she stayed with me, everything would be fine.

Then came my eighth birthday.

As usual, Mum wasn't there.

I tried not to think about it too much, but deep inside, I wished more than anything that she could have been there to celebrate with me. Instead, it was just Aunty Rose and Uncle Tanko.

Aunty Rose bought a small cake for me. She tried her best to make the day special, and for a little while, I managed to smile. They both sang for me as I stood there in front of the cake. I blew out the candles, cut the cake, and ate a piece.

But my mind wasn't really on the cake.

I kept thinking about the pills hidden in my room.

I couldn't wait for them to finish celebrating so that I could go back to my room.

A week later, Mum finally returned.

The moment I saw her, I felt a wave of happiness. I had missed her terribly, and having her back made the house feel different. Yet, somewhere in the back of my mind, there was another feeling—a feeling I was ashamed to admit.

I was worried about the pills.

I knew that Mum's return meant I was supposed to stop taking them. But I had become attached to the way they made me feel. They didn't completely take away my sadness, but for a while, they made everything seem easier. That feeling kept pulling me back, even when I knew I shouldn't be depending on them.

I hated that I couldn't simply forget about them.

Tanko continued giving them to me, but after some time, he began complaining.

“I don't have enough money to keep buying them for both of us,” he said. “If you want to continue, you'll have to give me money so I can buy them for you.”

I stared at him in disbelief.

I couldn't understand it.

Uncle Tanko ate my mother's food almost every day. He was always around the house, and I felt that the least he could do was help me without asking for money.

But there was a problem.

Rose was the one in charge of the money.

I had no money of my own, and there was no way I could get any without her knowing.

For the first time, I began to realize that I couldn't continue the way I had been.

So, reluctantly, I decided I would stop taking the pills.

At least, that was what I told myself.

I didn't know then how difficult it would be to keep that promise.