Writers 
I never had the opportunity to have you,
But somehow, losing you
Was the pill I had to swallow.
My tears ricocheted daily.
Sharp was the blade I used to cut myself.
I grew up promiscuous,
So I never really grew up at all.
Rather, I was tamed by the words
That spilled from your lips.
A love I could only describe using Shakespeare.
Funny how it never even happened,
Yet ended anyways.
And that day...
I watched you with pleading eyes
As you pulled the trigger
On the gun I gave you with my own hands.
Watched as you shot through my heart
And left me with a slowly deepening pain.
But I still sluggishly reached out to find you,
Because you were my best form of weakness,
My only lasting pattern.
Did you know it hurts,
Watching us sink?
Sometimes I wonder
If you ever paused to think of me,
If my name ever trembled on your lips
The way yours still does on mine.
Or was I simply another passing thought,
A chapter you barely remember,
While I memorized every word
And called it a love story?
And perhaps that is my punishment,
Loving a dream I couldn't make stay,
Building a home inside a heart
That was never mine to keep.
I held on to every possibility,
While reality slipped through my fingers.
And even now,
I cannot tell which hurts more,
The thought of losing you
Or knowing I never had you to lose.
So yes,
I really never had you,
But I died when you left.
And I wondered
If it affected you too.